GROUCH!!

Sorry I haven't blogged much this week. I am so grumpy!! I was going to post a picture of Grumpy, Snow White's vertically challenged friend, but I found this one of Grumpy Guy in Tub with Ducks, and it made me laugh. If I were a slightly balding, skinny guy - this pic could definately be me. I can even hear him, "Can I NOT take a flippin BATH without a flippin PARADE marching through here??" I even have the ducks.

One of my favorite things to do when I am supposed to be working is to go to Yahoo Images and put in random words and see what pictures come up. Most of the time, I find some really hysterical stuff! In fact, I have a couple of pics that I am saving gleefully for drama. I am giddy with anticipation. Go on, go start a fight somewhere. Do it for your buddy Nat.

You can, however, put in a word - thinking you are looking for a picture of something specific-and be shocked. Here is a hint. Instead of grumpy, I put in pissed. Thinking angry. DON'T SEARCH FOR PISSED PICTURES!!!!!! I cannot stress this enough. You will never be the same.

Either way, grumpy.

Please don't tell me what all I have to be thankful for. I KNOW. I am very thankful for my health, food on the table, healthy precious children, I have a husband (not sure he should be on my thankful list at this point, but there he is.), my family is all well, the air is fixed in my durango, and my house is so welcoming that a bunch of flipping mice have moved in.

Remember those cartoons when we were kids - the fat lady in the polka dotted dress leaps on to the top of the fridge at the sight of a mouse? And when we were kids, we were like "What a LOSER fat lady!"

That is me. I am the cartoon loser fat lady. Only my dress was a flowered gown that I wore when I was pregnant and the mouse, that fat bastard, was in my flipping UTENSIL DRAWER. I was making some Iced Java and opened the drawer to get a spoon and there that fucker was. I screamed like I had been shot, and ran trembling from the room. I screamed at Marty, "THERE IS A FUCKING MOUSE IN THE UTENSIL DRAWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Since he is currently pissed at me, he gave me a look and said "Huh. Sorry." So then I am mad at myself because I forgot I was ignoring him. Now he has the upper hand because I showed that I cared last. DAMMIT. That DAMN mouse is ruining everything!!!!!!!!!!!! And besides that, now I have to scour every last utensil in bleach. And turpentine. And vinegar. I would rather open that drawer to 20 cockroaches than a mouse. I HATE MICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am getting wiggy about my weight again too. This time last year, I went to see my hot gynocologist and he told me how proud he was of me because I weighed less than I ever had in the 7 years he has been my doctor. And I remember thinking "Wait till he sees me next year!"

Yeah, he will be floored. At that time I was doing Weight Watchers, and loving it. I don't know what happened. I stopped counting points and started counting snacks. I have not even called to make my appointment because I don't want to go like this. I think to myself, "I will just wait until around November, and maybe I can lose a little by then."

Now I will probably get cancer, and he will say, "Too bad you didn't come in September. We might could have saved you then."