The deep, rich, European aroma of ear infection

A few weeks ago, I was taking a (nobodylovesme
everybodyhatesme imightaswelleatworms!) break from babycenter. During that time, something happened to make me feel like the absolute most inept mother to walk the face of the Earth. It gave everyone a huge, huge laugh, and I thought I would finally share the story with the 5 of you that read this blog! Sit back and relax!

I have mentioned proudly, numerous times, that both my children are excellent sleepers. I pride myself on their ability to go to bed without a peep and sleep many hours before waking happy and ready to play. Therefore, I am not equipped to deal with night wakings and sleeplessness.

Well, one night, I had JUST gotten into bed and was in that drifty sort of not-asleep but not-awake time. All of a sudden, Colby lets out a blood curdling scream, and keeps screaming and screaming. I jump out of bed and run to his room and he is standing in his crib, screaming. I pick him up, my heart pounding, and start talking to him quietly... you know, the "Heybaby itsok mamashere don'tcry mommasherebaby" etc... I carry his little sobbing body into the kitchen and I didn't turn the light on because I didn't want him totally awake. I grabbed a sippy and a lid off the rack, and opened the fridge. I had forgotten we were out of milk. Crap. I look a bit deeper into the fridge and i see the kids juice pitcher, full of grape juice. Thank goodness for Marty! I poured him a cup, and carried him into the living room. I didn't turn on the light in there either, but turned on CMT really low. I sat on the couch with him, holding him tight. As he gulped down his drink, I noticed he was pulling on his ear. Great. Another ear infection.

He finishes his cup and does his ceremonial cup toss to the floor, buries his head in my chest and drifts off to sleep. I waited until I was sure he was back asleep, and then turned the lamp next to me on "low". To my horror, there was something wet and brown all in his ear. The one he had been tugging on. I am somewhat panicky. I quietly go and lay him down, and except to pop his thumb in his mouth and pull his blankey close, he doesn't move. I close the door, head into the kitchen and turn on the light. It is then that I notice that on my shirt, where his head was laying is a huge brown wet spot. I take my shirt off, and catch a whiff of something. I bring the shirt to my nose and it smells vaguely of... coffee? Oh no. What is HAPPENING?

I boot up my computer and do a search for "ruptured eardrum". The information that I pull up is comforting: he is not going to be deaf for life, and I do not have to take him to the ER. But I can't seem to find anything that describes the "smell" of ruptured eardrum.

SO! I go to the JodyEvansFan's board, because one of my new found friends is a pediatric nurse, and I knew that when they were slow, she was often in chat on the board. Thank goodness, she was there! I describe the whole situation to her, and she said that yes, it could be a ruptured eardrum, but she has also never heard of the coffee smell. But you never know. She said if it would make me feel more at ease, by all means bring him to the ER. I debated it for awhile, but decided to let sleeping babies lie. I did call Marty at the firestation and let him know what was up, in case we did end up having to take him somewhere.

I tossed and turned all night. I went in about 17 times and checked on Colby. Sniffed his ear. Coffee. But it didn't seem to be draining anymore. Poor guy. My poor, sweet sick boy.

When Marty got home the next morning, both kids were still asleep. I gave him a kiss and told him that I didn't get much sleep for worrying about Colby, so I was going to go and lay back down. I fell into a deep sleep, knowing that Marty was there to handle any crisis.

I don't know how long I slept before I heard, "DAD!! COME QUICK!! COLBY HAS SOMETHING NASTY STUCK ALL OVER HIS FACE!!!!!!" (It is one of Elizabeth's great joys to be the first one to open Colby's door in the morning and greet him.) Before I can get out of the bed, I hear Marty gagging. I run into Colby's room (again), and the floor, the wall, the crib, and the baby are covered in throwup. Oh Lord help me. And Marty says, "Something is seriously wrong with him. Even his vomit smells like coffee."

We strip him down and Marty takes him to the tub.

Marty is so funny. He can cut people out of wrecks, he has worked fires where people have died and burned, he has seen horrors that most of us can not imagine. But give him a bit of vomit or a really bad diaper, and he is a complete basket case. He gags and runs outside, gulping air. Therefore, I was elected to clean the baby room. I just threw the sheets away, and as sheer luck would have it, I had taken the bumper pad out a couple of nights before, so I didn't have to deal with that. Just used a whole container of clorox wipes on the room.

After I got done cleaning the mess, I went in the kitchen to start breakfast. It was the wierdest thing, because right as I opened Colby's cup from the night before to put it in the sink, Marty comes up the hall, laughing, holding a wet, fresh smelling, precious baby.

Right as I got a whiff of what was in the empty cup from the night before, Marty says, "You didn't happen to give him anything out of the juice pitcher last night, did you?"

Seems my dear, sweet, loving husband was trying to suprise me. Since money is so tight around here, I have been completely unable to indulge in my frappachino addiction. So he had been experimenting with different recipes while I was at work. He made a huge pot of black coffee a few days before to experiment with. And when he got frustrated, he just poured the black coffee into the kids juice pitcher, so that he could try again later. And shoved the pitcher to the back of the fridge and hoped I wouldn't find it, and spoil his surprise.

Colby's ear was fine.