Crybaby Mama

This week. How can it be????

My little baby starts Kindergarten this week. I don't know if I will survive.

A month ago, we went to Old Navy to shop for school clothes and I cried. Seeing her in these "big girl" clothes and thinking about her wearing them to school just sent me over the edge.

Then about a week after that, I walked into Walmart and saw the "YAY FOR SCHOOL!! Get your supply list HERE!" display. Ok, I can do this. It is just a supply list after all. Crayons. Check. Fiskar Scissors. Check. Two spiral ring wide rule notebooks. Che... WHAT?? My baby isn't big enough for wide rule!! She needs blank pages to draw pictures on!! And what is this "headphone" business?? What are you going to do, brainwash her?? And a backpack?? Bad for her little posture for one, and two, she isn't a backpack type girl. Can she bring a stylish tote with feathers and her name embroidered on the front instead????? I think i got the crayons, glue, and scissors before I started crying again. And left the store. After that, I tried to sneak one thing past myself each time I went in walmart until I had the backpack full. Lets see.... milk, tomatoes, bread, threeringbinder, apples, cereal... wait, what am I getting a threeringbinder for...? I don't know. But its on my list. Lalalalallalalalalalalalala!!!!

Yesterday was Open House. Meet the teacher.

First of all, we didn't get our welcome letter in the mail. We had to call the school to get her teacher assignment. The lady that Marty talked to looked up Elizabeth's name and told him her teacher was Mrs. Kirkpatrick, but didn't tell him anything else. Like that there was a Kindergarten Mixer at the waterpark on Monday. Oops. Missed that. Or that she needed to bring her backpack full of supplies to the Open House so that everything could be put away for the first day of school. Or that there was a second kindergarten mixer at Gymnastics Plus today. Uggggg... missed that too. Or that there was an assembly before the Meet The Teacher time that would make me cry like a baby in front of all of Elizabeth's prospective friends and their parents.

It began as your typical school-is-starting assembly. Or I assume it was, seeing as I have never had a kid in school before. The Superintendant gave a speech, closely followed by the Principal. (By the way, things have really CHANGED since I was in kindergarten!! We had one teacher that taught us EVERYTHING... math, colors, art, music, spelling... Now they have a separate art and music teachers, and they have a COMPUTER class every day. I don't think computers even existed outside of NASA when I was in school.) Anyway, then the principal introduced all the teachers. Elizabeth was happy to see that Mrs. Kirkpatrick was young, AND pretty. We got to hear all the achievements and honors and awards that all these unknown teachers had received. No problem. This is easy. Where are the snacks??

But then they pulled out their secret lets-separate-the-crybabies-from-the-sane-parents weapon. The lets-find-out-whose-parents-need-to-be-medicated weapon. The ultimate psycological test.

The principal said into her microphone, "Now, before I let you go to your classes and meet your new teachers, I have a special suprise for you. Mrs. White, our music teacher, is going to sing us a song with her six year old daughter!"

YAY. What IS it about little kids performing that sends me over the edge? Even before I had kids, take me to a school play where some kid dresses up like a turkey to welcome Thanksgiving, and I am a basket case. Or take me to a little league game where 4 year olds swing for that baseball on a stick, and finally hit it! Sob city. Or heaven forbid, dress up little three year old girls in tutu's and let them do a ballet and I have to be helped out of the auditorium. Doesn't matter that I don't know the kids at all. You would think I birthed each and every one of them from my uterus and then they were sent to live with this other family.

So Mrs. White and her precious little daughter walk up to the front of the stage and each have their little microphones, and her little girl looks up at her mom, waiting anxiously for her cue to begin, with those little trusting eyes, her pink fingernails gripping the mic so hard her fingers are white, and I can already feel my throat closing. THEN the music starts. Nope, not "Welcome to the Jungle", or even "School Daze"... it is some slow song I have never heard before called "You Lift Me". Here is an excerpt, just so you can get the feel for this song:

When I'm down on my luck

and i'm searching for my soul

When i'm feeling too much

and i start to lose control

When i'm down so low

that even enemies dont wanna know

You still care for me

say a prayer for me

and i know

Ooo I like you hangin' round

Cause you lift me up when i am upside down

Ooo you are my favourite sound

Cause youre always down for

Lifting me up like an angel when i hit the ground

Feel your arms all around me when im feeling down

Lift me up like an angel when i hit my low

when your arms are around me

i don't wanna let you go

Ok, now if that wasn't bad ENOUGH, when they sang the first line, this big screen slides out of a pocket on the ceiling and they are showing slides for heaven's sake... slides of little kids huddled in smiling little kid groups looking at fish... little kids waving to the camera as they walk in to the front doors. A little kid smiling at her bus driver and her bus driver grinning right back... two little kids hugging...

FOCUS!!... Don't cry. Lets look around... NO!! Don't look at Elizabeth, what are you THINKING?!?!?! She is sitting there, ramrod straight, little cheeks flushed, her freckles glistening. Hands clasped in her lap, looking joyous, thrilled, excited, scared and oh so grown. Don't look at her. What can l look at? Lets count floor tiles... one, two, three, fourfivesixseven oh lord i can't see. Don't flipping CRY!! I can't help it. I sit here surrounded by happy faces, parents shifting their weight on these seats designed for kindergarten buttocks, probably thinking about when they were going to get out of here and go to McDonalds, and I am crying like a loon.

Mrs. White and her daughter finally finish the longest song in history, and I desperately wipe the tears away before Marty sees me and starts making fun of me. We head out into the crush of parents and children searching for Mrs. Kirkpatricks room. I see a few people I know and they all look at me oddly. I really didn't think anything of it at the time.

We finally find her room, and introduce ourselves to her teacher, find Elizabeth's chair, and show her the treat bag her teacher has made. I apologise to the teacher about her backpack and tell her that we didn't get the letter from her. (Ends up after a bit of detective work that she had our address wrong.) I tell her that I will bring it early on Friday. She is patting me on the back, and I am looking at all these little babies that will be in my daughter's class and wondering who will be her friend. I want to weep again. I hope someone wants to be her friend. I want to parade her to each child and introduce her. And tell them if they are mean to her, i am coming over to kidnap their puppy / kitty / baby brother or sister / doll. I stop myself in time. I don't think i want to be known as Elizabeth's Mother, you know, the one that was arrested at open house for 19 counts of terroristic threatening.

We finally leave open house and get in the car. As we head home, I ask Elizabeth, "Did you see anyone that you might like to be friends with in your class?" and she said "YES!!" and I said "Who?" and she said "ALL OF THEM!!!" She is trembling with joy. She is growing up, and about to embark on a journey all her own. And she is thrilled. Friday can not get here soon enough.

For me, I am sick. I am scared. I am also proud of her. She is strong. And brave.

Oh, and the reason everyone was staring and being so nice?

I had mascara SMEARED all down my face, and caked under one eye. GREAT.