Have I ever mentioned that I am a hypochondriac??Well, I am. I have been since I was a kid. I have learned over the years to not voice my concerns over illnesses, because my family thinks it is one big joke. If I complain of a sinus infection, my dad will say, "I bet it is sinus cancer. You need to get an MRI." If I complain of a headache, my aunt will say, "It is probably an anuerism, just on the verge of popping."
For a few months, I subscribed to this Medical Encyclopedia thing where you paid $13 a month and they would send you 20 cards every three weeks or so to fill your three-ring medical binder. I did this for about six months until Marty got tired of coming home from work and finding me crying and clutching ten of the twenty cards and proclaiming, "I have ALL these symptoms!! ALL!!" and he cancelled my order and threw the binder away.
I am educated enough about this to know that I am insane, and that my hypochondria hits when I have other issues going on in my life. Kind of like my overeating disorder. I fill my anxiety with tacos, and my fear that the plastic that I heated them up in has just started my tumor growing.
I have been really stressed lately about money, my parenting skills, money, my dumpster house, money, my job, my boss, and money.
And two days ago, the joint in the right side of my jaw started hurting. It has gotten worse. I asked Marty if he had noticed me grinding my teeth in my sleep or anything, but he has not. However, I could probably use a power drill on my teeth in my sleep right beside him and he would never know it. I don't know how he is a fireman, as heavy as he sleeps.
So by this morning, I convinced myself that I have a small tumor in my jaw joint. I got so worked up about it that I started having a panic attack and got short of breath. Then I convinced myself that it had already spread to my lungs and that was why I couldn't breathe.
I made myself stop before I started writing good-bye letters to my family, and made myself go out for a walk.
I got hit with a bout of this about 5 months ago, and Marty made me go to the doctor to get a complete physical. Everything came back fine. Everything.
But my damn jaw still hurts.
2 comments:
As a nursing student, I sometimes think that I have every new disease that we learn about. Also, because I am a big ball of stress, I am usually pretty run down and catch colds like its my job. And my allergies are just bad enough to mimic things like lung cancer right now, so I am a mess right there with you.
That being said, you could be clenching your teeth or grinding them when you sleep. They sell mouth inserts to help with it, but you know what works just as well and is cheaper? One of those moldable mouth guards that you wear for contact sports. Dip it into boiling water and mold it to your upper teeth (after letting it cool a bit), and wear it at night to avoid grinding. It's annoying to get used to (and the butt of many jokes), but it is nice to be pain-free!
It could be the high pressure ridge in the atmosphere right now, Mark and I were both having HORRIBLE pressure this past week.
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