Not a good idea

My house is a disaster. A constant state of upheaval. No sooner can I get something done, like the dishes or the laundry, then someone is in another room tearing up tissues, or throwing a bowl of food.

So over the last few months, I have developed the working mom's cleaning solution. If it is unsanitary, or is going to attract bugs, or cause a smell, it gets cleaned. Other than that, it is every sock, shoe, toy, book, paper, pen, glass, crayondolllipglossfishbait for its self.

This method has its downfall, believe it or not.

Generally, I get dressed for walking, drive the 20 minutes to drop Elizabeth off at school, go walk two miles, then change at the office, and get my butt to my desk.

On Tuesday, this plan was totally interrupted. I could not find a bra... anywhere. At 7:35, I was tearing the house apart, sifting through laundry baskets of clean clothes, looking under the beds, on the doorknobs, in the laundry room... everywhere I could think to look. No freaking bra. This doesn't sound too bad, unless you consider that I am the proud owner of SIX bras. Two good ones, two crappy ones that I walk in, and one black one that is too small, but I have two dresses that are thin and black and I wear it with those. I couldn't even find that one.

So, I drove the 20 minutes to school, with no bra on. Elizabeth was late of course. Then drove 20 minutes back home to search for a damn bra. Going without is not an option. I am a 34DD, and the sisters do not point forward. I would look like the redneck lady that they always interview on the news after a twister... "I dint know what it wuz!! It sounted like a freight train!!" *boobs swaying when she points in the direction of the freight train* Thank goodness, I found ONE. The other five are still incognito.

Then yesterday, I could not find the hair brush. Again, no big deal unless you know that we own FOUR hairbrushes. Two good ones, and two crappy ones. None anywhere. I actually brushed Elizabeths hair with one of her plastic doll brushes.

I, of course, was cussing a blue streak about how trashed this house is, and why can't anyone (ie: Marty) ever help do anything. (considering he is a stay at home dad most days.)

Marty says, "You know, I have been meaning to talk to you about this. We are both unorganized and something needs to change. Here is my idea. Today, while you are at work, make a list of all the things that I do around here that need improvement, or that irritate you. And I will make one about you." He is so gleeful, obviously happy that he has come up with this ingenious plan.

I looked at him for a long moment, and then smiled. "You are right honey. We have been married nearly 11 years. Its high time we had a huge fight and got divorced! I will start on my list right now!!"

He is stunned by my lack of cooperation. "Honey!! Seriously!! We can do this without getting mad! See, for instance, it drives me crazy that you kick off your shoes by the living room door every day. If you would start picking up after yourself in little ways, like taking your shoes to your closet every day, the house would be clean! And I know that there are things I need to do around here too!!"

*S T U N N E D S P E E C H L E S S *

All i can do is splutter and jab my finger helplessly at all the shoes in the living room: Yes, three pair of mine, colby's lonely only pair, Marty's work shoes, and two pair of Elizabeth's tennis shoes. Why am I taking the fall? I am instantly furious, looking at the OTHER junk in the living room.

Marty's thing that makes me nuts? (one of many, mind you!) He uses his feet to kick off his socks, and then shoves them down into the couch. I can see at least 3 socks sticking out of the cushion.

This is by far one of the worst ideas he has ever come up with. He must have me confused with the docile, sweet, obedient girl he MEANT to marry. There is no way, with all the work that I do around here, that I am going to take constructive criticism about the stupid, meaningless things that I don't do.

I am not making a list. And he sure as hell better not hand me one, either!!