Dear South Beach,
You suck. Yes, the beginning of our relationship was wonderful, all sweetness and light. I read your book, and agreed with nearly everything you said. I decided instantly, in that glow of first love, that I could totally stick with you in everything, forsaking all others. And yes, at first it was wonderful.
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter actually tastes good. I enjoyed your menu of lettuce and carb free dressing, of crab meat, of grilled chicken and sugar free salsa. I salivated over your Vanilla Ricotta Creme, and waited breathlessly for the evenings of No Sugar Added Fudge Pops. And you rewarded me richly. A ten pound weight loss in the first two weeks. And I was never hungry for others. You sustained me. You completed me. Yes, at times I was bored and lonely, but I knew that I would be rewarded for my sacrifices.
But, alas, I have strayed. And once I tasted the richness of mashed potatoes, and hot chicken and dressing, (and hot rolls, and homemade pumpkin bread and pecan pie...) I knew that it was over for us. I can't pretend to be someone that I am not.
I am not just a carnivore. I am multifaceted.
I am a carbavore. I am a pieavore. I am a potatoavore. Yes, I like your rich, lean meats, but I also like variety in my life. I crave adventure, and you... and you... you are strict, ungiving. You want things your way, all the time.
I know that there are many more out there that can stay with you for a lifetime. Tasha loves you and swears that there is no other for her. And it looks like she is correct. Close to a 50 pound weight loss. She is looking slim and successful in your shadow. But you are tearing me apart.
In short, Mr. South Beach, I am leaving you. I am going to try a date with Mr. Weight Watchers. He is more giving and forgiving. He is fun. He knows that sometimes a girl just needs pie. And he allows for that. He lets me eat carrots, and bread, and things with sugar. He is the kind of guy I could fall for.
(Don't guess I am going to get my $10 back for the book?)
Natalie
4 comments:
At least you got a deal on the book. I paid $20 for mine.
That's a very sweet letter to Mr. South Beach!
I too have had great results with Mr. Weight Watchers (in the past that is). Enjoy him & treat him well, my friend, for he is a good, good man.
I'm not woman enough for Mr. Southbeach or Mr. Atkins or Mr. Zone. I'm way (& I mean WAY) too much woman for them!
LMAO!!! Metaphorically, of course.. wouldn't it be nice if we could really laugh off our asses?
Atkins and other carb diets seem to come in and out of "fashion" but ww really has always been successfull. Good luck!!
I'm sure you'll find someone who's right for you! I never even went near Mr. South Beach--I knew it would never work between us. He's not my type at all.
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