I am becoming such a food snob. I am not as bad as some people I know (misty, karrie!!!) but a snob nonetheless.
My mom found out I am trying to do the South Beach Diet, and that eggs are one of the few things that I can eat in the first phase. So, to be nice, she talked to a farmer friend of hers and he gave her a flat of irregular eggs that he could not sell. She gave them to me last night, and I tried to act overjoyed, but those wavy-shelled monstrosities scared me.
"Don't be surprised if some of them have double yolks!!"
Double yolks, you say? Wavy-brown-shells, AND double yolks?? Wow! It's like a carnival of food!
I have good intentions and I put them in my fridge. But this morning when crunch time came... my hand hesitated over the sci-fi, bi-yolked chicken babies, and then reached on past to the REAL eggs... You know, in the yellow carton, with the shiny white shells.
I don't know if I can eat those eggs.
I have a tenuous relationship with eggs anyway. After years of not being able to eat them, I have finally made peace with the egg. In high school, a friend of mine and I were making brownies, or cake or some such treat and she broke the egg into the batter, and said, "Ohhh!! Look at the umbilical cord on that one!!" Ever since then, I have to pick that white thing that IS NOT AN UMBILICAL CORD, (I like to think of it as a little egg-ribbon of love) out of my egg before I can cook it. And even then I have to scramble them. Can't eat them over easy. or fried, or anything where the yolk is runny.
I am the same way about meat. I can't eat anything with a bone in it. I just can't. It makes me gag. One of the girls at the office brought a rotissierie chicken for us to cut up and put in our salads and I thought I would die. It was just a headless chicken with wings and legs, laying in a puddle of juice, skin stretched, it's little wings all curled up... oh gag.
I know how I got to be overweight. I like my chicken breaded and in a round shape, dipped in sauce. I like my eggs inside of a cake. Steak is that stuff you get on your taco at Taco Bell. Hamburger meat comes in a cellophane package and is a nice bright pink.
I know if I ate the "real" versions of food, I would be thinner.
But I would also be nauseated a lot.
2 comments:
Once again I could have written this post myself. There is no way I would even touch those rejected eggs. A past roommate could not eat eggs because it was something her own body produced. That always cracked me up.
And you know how I feel about meat on the bone. GAG! It's so primitive. Yucko.
But your last paragraph about eggs in cake, chicken breaded & dipped in sauce (preferable honey mustard or ranch), meat in a tidy little package, that's the one that cracked me up the most. While I was laughing though, I was nodding my head in agreement.
In Food Solidarity Always (*raising fist in the air*),
~Kellee
I went through a phase once where I wouldn't eat anything I wouldn't have been willing to have prepared from scratch. The REAL scratch, as in raise and kill the chicken, pluck and clean it, etc, etc.
Unfortunately, I'm a coward at killing things, and am a lazy ass vegetarian. I believe I survived on a diet of Cheetos, Ramen, and Dr.Pepper. LOL And of course, all of those are artificially produced. Hahaha.
That being said, it doesn't bother me now to eat meat or whatever, it just makes me very grateful for the cow and the people who process and package my bright pink hamburger.
I'm not sure I could eat the weird eggs either. But their shells sure would make interesting Easyer decorations! (Or am I the only weirdo who ever emptied an eggshell by piercing both ends with a needle, used air pressure to expel the white & yolk, washed them out, and decorated the hollow shell? Enh, shit. Yet another poor-creative man's entertainment I guess, LOL)
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