nothing to say but "WAAAAA!!"

Yesterday was Colby's 5th day in daycare. When we walked into his room, his little hand tightened on my arm and the bottom lip came out and the tears started dripping... Truly the most pathetic sight I have ever seen. All day long, I felt horrible about leaving him... I actually thought to myself, "He is my little fit-pitcher!! Not my broken hearted boy!!"

An hour and a half after picking him up, I was ready to start trying some 24 hour daycares...

I walked into his classroom at around 5:15pm, and he started crying as soon as he saw me. His teacher heaved an obvious sigh of relief and said "WHHOOO!! He has had a bad day!!" She proceeded to tell me that everytime the class door was left open, he snuck out to the main doors and started banging on them and calling for "DA DA DA DA DA!!!" (which is interchangeable in Colby-speak for Mama, dada, sissy, cassie, book, byebye, or can I please have a glass of milk, no ice??

I wanted to cry myself. Poor widdle guy misses his moommmmy!!

He would not even look at me on the ride home. To him, the car was being driven by Phantom - Does - Not - Exist - Mom.

We get home and suddenly he changes his tune... he will not let me out of his sight. I cannot put him down. He wants to sit in my lap... all the time. Marty is at work and I had to cook dinner for Colby and Elizabeth. He SCREAMED at me the whole time I was trying to cook their food and was trying to climb up me, like I was a jungle gym. Once I got their food ready, neither one of my precious babies ate. Elizabeth said the pizza bites burned her chapped lips, and Colby is still screaming and trying to get me to hold him. I even tried plying him with candy and cookies... yes, I did. He was hysterical. I just wanted him to c a l m d o w n.

After the dinner that no one ate, we all go sit on the couch for some quiet time. Colby wants in my lap and he doesn't want Elizabeth anywhere near us. Everytime she would get close, he would haul off and smack her. Then she would cry. Then she would try to cuddle up with me, and he would haul off and smack her... and then she would cry... I finally yelled at her to please go sit on the other couch until I got him calmed the heck down. So then SHE starts squalling about how I love Colby more than her and how "THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!" *sigh*

I distract her for TWO HOURS with American Idol, with Colby on my lap the entire time. (I gave her paper and a pen, and told her to make two columns, one for Mom's Favorites and one for Elizabeth's Favorites... And we each had to decide who got to be written down and who didn't. Ok, so it is not teaching evolution, or growth patterns, or complex polybinocarbons.... I do what I can.

Colby was happy, sitting silently in my lap with that ever present thumb in his mouth, and his sister far away on the floor alone.... except for the two times I had to get up... once to pee and once to answer the phone. Both times he freaked out and followed me screaming hysterically. I could not even hear my friend Kim on the phone, so I just told her it was a bad time. She probably thought I was beating him with a coat hanger and insisting he call me Mommy Dearest instead of DaDa...

Nine o'clock rolls around. I go put Colby in his bed and he gets freaking hysterical. I shut the door and I am in E's room reading her bedtime book and I hear a huge CRASH and then Colby comes screaming into her room. He learned to climb out of his crib. I make sure nothing is broken and then I finish reading her story over his screaming, and tuck her in. (It was the WORST DAY OF HER LIFE, after all...) I go back to his room and remove the bumper pad and his little music box that is attached to the side because I thought he might have used that as leverage. I let him sit with me on the couch for 30 more minutes until he got still and drowsy and went and put him back in bed. SAME THING. SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM CRASH, Hi Colby. Back in the living room. Only this time, he wants to make completely sure that I understand the depth of his anger, and he throws himself on the floor with all his might... stands back up and repeats it... many times.

Ok, let him cry. (...let the tears fall down like rain...) Let's deal with the bed. Well, obviously I don't want him brain damaged or sporting a broken neck, so I take the mattress out of his crib and put it on the floor, and pile all his big toys in the empty crib to make room, and then go and get him and bring him back to his room, and try to lay down with him. No go. He is screaming and hitting and biting and pinching. I try to take him to my bed... same thing. So, I did what mothers around the country do ever single day. I gave up. I gave him some nitetime cold medicine, and turned on "BobBob!!" and said, "This is your living room. Have a good time."

At this point, it was after 10, and I still had not even had dinner. I decided it really wasn't that important (which shows you how stressed out I REALLY was!!) and I made a cup of cappuchino instead. I went and sat outside in the cold. Then I got on the computer. I kept peeking in at him and I would get a dirty look.

He finally drifted off about 11:15. On the rug, on the floor.

I went in at 11:45 and tried to move him. He woke up... so i promptly put him on his little foam couch and acted like we were still staying up... he fell back asleep. Around 12:30, I carefully pulled the couch bed, with him on it, to his bedroom. I put his couch bed on top of his mattress that is now on the floor.

I was so stressed that I got about 3 hours sleep.

This morning, I went in and he somehow had managed to climb under his couch, and on the mattress... He was the meat in a bed sandwich... And he woke up in a suprisingly good mood... he made it about half way through breakfast before he remembered that he hated me... He started crying and dropping his food on the floor... when I tried to get him down, he jerked the tray back into place and said, "NO NO NO NONO!!!!!!" I guess in 2 year old logic, if he stayed in the highchair, I could not take him to school.

He sat there for 45 minutes. Refused to get down, refused to let me take the tray off. Of course, I finally had to bodily remove him, crying and screaming.

And drop him off at school, crying and screaming.

And come to work and be productive, even though I am fearful that tonight will hold much of the same.