Today, Elizabeth got home from school and cornered me at the dinner table.
"Mom! I want you to stop doing drugs!!"
Oh hell. Who has she been talking to??
"Honey!! What are you talking about?? I don't do drugs!!!" I exclaimed, innocently.
"Oh yes you do!! Today we talked about smoking and I told my class that you smoke all the time, and cigarettes are drugs and you need to stop smoking or you are going to DIE!"
Great. Let's not even take into account that I have more or less quit smoking except for the one weekend a month that I go see my friend Tasha. She has quit too, but when we are together, we smoke. Yes, its bad. But its better than me smoking all the time. It has made it much easier for me to quit, because I know that I can have one or two or five when I am with her.
Being the grownup that I am, I hated to take all the blame, so I said, "What about your dad? He dips skoal, and that is a drug too!!"
Marty nearly drops his plate, and looks as if he might throw it at me. But he can't argue, now can he?
"Well, we didn't talk about skoal."
"Well, I promise you, its a drug too!!" I said, ignoring the gasps of incredulousness from Marty's direction that say, how can you throw me to the dogs to save your own smoker ass??? Because I can, honey. We are married, and if one of us has to have questionable morals and be a bad influence... well then we both do. So there.
Elizabeth then puts her fork down, and throws her hands up in the air in disgust. "GREAT!! I live in a drug house! That is just great!!"
I laughed until I was crying.
I have to go and clean my house now. I figure the police will be here with search warrants by about 9AM.
4 comments:
Nat---I'm CRAUGHING here!!!!! I just love Elizabeth! She's the best! Your post just made my day!!!
I ditto Precie. I am completely in love with Elizabeth's huge personality. She definitely has no trouble expressing herself!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...Molly is doomed with all the drugs I take. Granted they're prescription, but THAT MANY of them can't be normal. Heeeeee, that made me howl.
I still remember coming home from elementary school and telling my mom, "The policeman who talked to us said he never used drugs, and not that many adults can say that." Pregnant pause. "Wait, you didn't use drugs, did you?"
And then my mother shocked me by saying, "Oh yes, your father and I smoked pot in the seventies." I had been told that drug use was BAD BAD BAD, and I just couldn't believe my parents would do something like that. Evidently the fact that they were STILL driving Volkswagon buses hadn't clued me in.
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