Deaf Leppard

I noticed last year that I am losing the hearing in my left ear. Not really funny. I noticed it when we used to have a TV in the bedroom. Marty would be watching some asinine show on TV, and I would be trying to sleep, and by chance, I found that if I laid on my right side, I couldn't hear the TV at all. Flip to the left, and I could hear it fine. It bothered me, but not enough to go to the doctor to get a hearing test. Besides, what can they say besides, "Yep. You can't hear good."? I don't need a $20 copay to tell me that.

I also noticed about a year ago that I was starting to talk louder. I have always been a loudmouth anyway, but it has been worse lately. I will be on the phone with a friend while at work, and have actually had another girl across the office ask me later about something I said while I was on the phone. And I have whispered indecent things to Marty at family get togethers, only to have him clap his hand across my mouth because my whisper is apparently... well, not so much a whisper at all.

Well, lately I have noticed that it is getting worse. I seriously cannot hear my children in the back seat unless I turn the radio down and turn off the air. So our car rides go about like this:

"mom, froofy modo bobo glabblepoo."

Turn down radio, turn off air.

"What honey?"

"I said, How much farther until we get to Meme's?"

"Oh, about 15 minutes."

"OK."

"Is that all?"

"Yep."

Turn up radio, turn on air.

"MOM! Clobo mot tis slpeener nost"

Turn down radio, turn off air.

"What, honey?"

"Colby has his finger in his nose!"

(since the Amazing Crayola Nose Incident, I have told her to watch for Colby to put things up his nose and to tell me. So now I hear the finger thing 1 million times a day.)

"Colby, get your finger out of your nose."

silence, silence. "Is that all?"

"Yep, you just told me to tell you, and I did."

"OK, honey, thanks."

Turn up radio, turn on air.

"Mom! I wurve tips on canna turps itsup"

*SIGH SIGH*

Turn down radio, turn off air.

"WHAT sugarpie honeybunch????????"

"I SAID, I love this song, can you please turn it up?"

TURN UP RADIO, TURN UP AIR.

This goes on for hours. And hours.

Well, I was driving home from my mom's on Monday, and doing the radio / air thing for the bazillionth time and I was thinking about how I wish I could hear better, and I suddenly noticed that I could not hear anything on the left side. NOTHING. I could hear the radio fine on the right and the left was dead. I started panicking, and within 10 minutes, I was wiping tears, imagining my life as a 33 year old with a miracle ear, shouting in Walmart that "WE DON'T NEED CONDOMS, I HAVE MY MONTHLY!!" and having Marty tell me my hearing aide battery is low, and to stop yelling. And then divorcing me.

I seriously was upset. I got home and was unloading the kids and trying to keep my "Mommy is not going deaf everything is just fine" face on, and just happened to glance over AT the radio... someone had knocked something into the speaker balance thing... it was all the way to the right. I put it back in the middle... and I could hear music. It was a miracle!

What an idiot.