I am at my wits end here. I am literally without the tools to deal with the problem at hand.
If you had asked me 7 years ago what child related issue I was worried about the LEAST, I would have said weight prejudice. I have always been chubby, and Marty has always been too skinny. We have now met in the middle - I am still a bit chubby, and he is a bit thin. But when we got married, (ten years ago) I was 5'3 and weighed 180, and he was 6'4 and weighed 155. I am not kidding. We were Mr. and Mrs. Jack Sprat. Times are better now. He weighs quite a bit more than me. LOL!
My point is that "fat" and "skinny" aren't words we use around our house. I say "fuck" more than I say "fat". We both grew up with the teasing, but from different angles. We eat healthy foods most of the time. Marty has a sweet tooth and hides junk all over the house, but I do not go looking for it. Elizabeth has inherited the tooth. But we are active. We are healthy. And I really am pretty happy with the way I look most of the time. And when I am not, I don't voice it. I never look in the mirror and groan.
My precious little almost-6-year-old child. She is going through a spell where we cannot get her to eat. She is underweight for her height, and we are concerned. Unfortunately we deal with that in different ways. Marty's way is to yell at her to eat or she is not going to get to [blank]. Tonight it was "go for a walk with Mom and Colby" I now walk instead of smoking. My way is to say "What is the best tasting thing on your plate? Can you eat more of that?" (This leads to negotiations - "How many more bites? 5?") Which is probably not any better. But we don't know what to do. The mantra "She will eat when she gets hungry" means nothing in our family. I have seen her go days on half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and 5 goldfish crackers.
Right before her bedtime tonight, I said, "Do you want to help me make some brownies to take to Meme's tomorrow?" and she said "Nope."
"NOPE?!?!! You don't want to help me make brownies? Are you sick?" I tickled her and pretended to check her temperature.
"Nope, I am just not eating chocolate anymore."
(Is that the sky falling?)
"YOU aren't eating chocolate anymore? Why?"
"Because chocolate makes you fat. You don't need to eat it anymore either, because you need to get skinny like me so you can wear a bikini."
(Yep, thats the sky. Someone help me, I have ozone in my eye)
I try to say the right thing. TRY.
"I like chocolate! I think I am pretty just the way I am, and I can wear a bikini if I want to! Now, I am going to go make those brownies! Come help me!"
"MOM! You don't need to eat brownies! Dad will like you better if you were skinny." She is pleading with me. Pleading.
WWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT?????
Are they teaching this shit in kindergarten or what?? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Am I going to be that mother with the anorexic daughter, saying "I just thought she was food conscious!" Am I going to be the movie of the week????
I don't know how to change this. I don't know where we went wrong.
I guess she is embarrassed of me. I can handle that. I think we are all embarressed of our moms in one way or another. I can't handle her becoming the next Tracey Gold.
I am helpless. How can a five year old child make me feel so helpless?
6 comments:
Ok, I don't get the above comment, but anyway...
Natalie I know this has been a huge issue for you. I have no advice, except talk to a doctor or now that she is in school maybe a guidance counselor or maybe the nurse?? I wish I could help. Maybe there is something that you could read or maybe a video that would explain that she needs to eat for energy, blah blah....I don't know! I am so sorry that you have to deal with this.
Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, as well as Elizabeth.
Nat,
I swear to you this is a phase, Hannah went through the exact same thing last year, it was weight and fashion, that was all encompassing important. We had a lot of talks about healthy versus unhealthy and I took her to the dr so the dr could tell her that kids her age could eat whatever and not worry about calories and carbs, that it is good to eat well and not junk all of the time. She told her junk was ok as long as it wasn't for every meal all of the time.
I'm sooo sorry, I know exactly what you are going through and it's a killer.
Jeni
Ugh. That sucks Nat - and you ARE gorgeous. I cannot believe what kids sponge up into their brains from the messed-up media around them, but apparently it works. I deal with body image and weight issues and have for years, and I have NO idea how to not pass my crazyness on to Molly as she grows. I think you are perfect. so there. Tell Elizabeth I said so. I'm sure she will be impressed that some weird lady in Michigan thinks her mom is hot!
Natalie,
It sounds like you're handling it perfectly- but just reading this post put me into a panic. First, my child will start talking???? Second, she will say things I don't like? Third, someone or something might make her feel bad about herself? AAAHHHH!
Lorraine
WOW...that's just frightening. I know that children can be confused, but YIKES...I would want to lock her in a tower. I am sad for you...you are so pretty and sexy and curvy in a GREAT way. Shut up Elizabeth! (I love her, you know this is in jest, right?)
Kids do have a way about them, don't they? Not too long ago Garrett made me cry by telling me I was fat & then asking what fat was. Even though I don't think he meant it, it hurt so bad.
I feel your pain & worry constantly about bringing a daughter up in this type of environment. Maybe the Dove girls will soon take over the world. God I hope so!
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