Give the gift of broken bones, and higher home insurance

We took Colby and Elizabeth to see Santa at the mall last week.

First, let me tell you that I am so disappointed in the mall. All these years, they had a simple chair, with a tree beside it, and you could take your kid and let them meet Santa and sit in his lap, and you could video it, or take your own camera... so that is what we did every year.

This year, they decided that they weren't making nearly enough money, and they "sold" the job to a photography company. So now, they have a huge, gaudy, ugly display with Santa sitting lost in the middle of the madness, and they have it all roped off, with huge signs proclaiming, "NO CAMERAS!! NO VIDEO!!! We are HAPPY to capture the magical moment for YOU!!"

Um, yeah. We are happy to capture the magical moment for you for $10 for a 3X5 photo, or the Family Pack - 1 8X10, 1 5X7, and 6 wallets for $49.95!!! One thing you can say about the photo people, they are generous.

So anyway, we get in line with all the other cranky parents, and screaming children, and we wait. Every other time the photographer would take a pic, the computer would freeze up, and they would have to reboot it. So it took forever.

We finally get up to Santa, and Elizabeth runs nervously to Santa's lap. They chit-chat for a moment, and Marty and I are struggling to get Colby out of the stroller, and the photographer tells us that they are having to reboot again. Great.

Meanwhile, Santa asks Elizabeth, "So have you been good this year?"

"Yes, sir." she replies.

"So what would you like for Christmas?"

"A trampoline!!" she says, breathlessly.

"HO HO HO!! A TRAMPOLINE!!! Do you think that will fit in my sleigh??" Santa says, somewhat condescendingly.

I am shaking my head like mad behind Elizabeth's head. No kid of mine is going to own one of those death traps!!

Until I see the disappointment, and heartache in Elizabeth's eyes.

"No sir, probably not." she says, dejectedly.

"What else would you like, Elizabeth?" Santa hohoho's.

"A stereo for my room, so that I can listen to my cd's," she says quietly.

"HO HO HO!!! A STEREO!! MY GOODNESS!!!"

I guess Elizabeth was feeling like the most selfish kid in the universe at this point, because she jumped in with, "Just a little one, Santa! Just a little bitty one!!"and she is holding her hands approximately 3 inches apart, pantomiming the worlds smallest stereo.

Meanwhile, we are still waiting for the computer to reboot, and Santa tries to send Elizabeth on her way... Marty is wrestling Colby, who wants to singlehandedly destroy the crappy, massive backdrop. I say, "Oops, wait Santa, we wanted to get a picture with you."

"OH!! Alrighty!! Oh little photo elf!! We are waiting for a picture!" Santa sounds a bit peeved.

But not nearly as peeved as Photo Elf... "I am TRYING, SANTA!!! We are having a bit of TROUBLE with the CAMERA!!!" Even though she is smiling like mad, you can see a glimpse of Satan in her eyes.

When she finally gets the camera going, she does not even try to get Colby to look at her. Just snaps a picture. And who is the fool that still spends the $10 for the tiny photo? That would be me.

After we got home, and got the kids to bed, I could still see Elizabeth's sad little face in my heart. I finally told Marty that I found out the truth about Santa when I was 7, and that we are in our last times of Elizabeth believing in the magic of Christmas. And that Colby is still too young to realize that we spent $300 on his sister, and $30 on him. It didn't take much convincing.

Anybody want to help put together a trampoline before Christmas?? Did you know that they come in a box??